The drive away from myself

Driving yesterday I realized I'm no longer the person I thought I was. With all the art-rich fantasies and visions, with all my ideas and creative energy, with all my thought patterns in order and with all my moments in sync with real time. I was once that, in my eyes. In my eyes now I see a person far from that which once was "myself". Its saddening to me because I loved the way i was, how i was creating, envisioning, writing and living. My life today is great. Every day, day to day, everything is nice and fine. But no inspiration. The only inspiration im getting is from other peoples work which in end only makes my ego cringe because the feeling of not being good enough surfaces. I want to get back to my lonely girl...she inspired me.

Cheap sex and sad films

Help me get back where I belong

Insecurity...

gives people
selective hearing.

shame on you.

takk.

I took this of myself today :)


I'm getting used to my hair now...
as long as its worn messy.

Nine days till Christmas and it doesn't even feel that way. I'm hoping I can take off a couple of days to see everyone in Orlando.

I hope I can get a new car too. we will see. either way I'm okay with it.

Today Ill start the process of looking for locations to shoot and going to contact models and Anthony the stylist to see if he'd like to work with me on my up coming project. The fear of disappointing myself again is very real but I can't run from it forever and I definitely have to defeat it.

We will see.

Light

Inspiration!

Id love for my little yellow house to look something like this inside.
modern country chic.

http://weheartit.com/entry/28966
http://weheartit.com/entry/28964
http://weheartit.com/entry/78503
http://weheartit.com/entry/81503
http://weheartit.com/entry/81506

i love rustic natural old woods with bright retro appliances.
and nice modern white furniture.
so MILKY.

:)